infinite metamorphoses

Due to my perpetual dissatisfaction with the person I am, my life is constantly fueled by growth and change. Those who knew me five years ago know how different I am today. Those who know me today may well find me very different five years from now.

June 2nd marked the end of an era that taught me many things, an era that I appreciate for the things it taught me, but do not miss. August 21st marks the beginning of the next, hopefully greater, era of my life.

August 21st...the date seemed so far for so long. My dreams and hopes of many years are finally materializing before my eyes, and yet, realizing that they are less than a month away, I am frightened for the first time.

The future looms ahead of me like a wall stretched across the horizon, and I must try to find my very own door somewhere along the wide expanse.

Success is pressing its nose against my window, but do I have the ambition, or even the ability, to capture it?

Do I dare?

nonsense

Some people.

Put what they want and need right in front of them, and every time, they turn around and choose something else that is completely wrong for them.

For simple ignorance, there is forgiveness. For willful ignorance? Never.

There is no hope for these people.

Don't even try.

navigation

It is June 2.

Today marks the end of this phase of my life, as well as the beginning of the next.

Today, I wear stoles and cords and pins and badges to mark my achievements so far. I wear them all with pride, for I have worked hard for the things I have achieved. Yet I am venturing into a world greater than what I have previously known, where these achievements are nothing, and I am starting fresh. Out there, I am not Erin Smith, Thespian of the Year. I am not Erin Smith, only All-state level soprano in the school district. I am not Erin Smith, winner of the James Iddings Award, the National School Choral Award, the North Park Music Honors Award, graduating with high honors.

I am simply Erin Smith, and I am starting fresh.

In less than three months, I am to stand on my own two feet, without the careful guidance of those around me who love and protect me.

Most of me is ready to take on this new journey. And yet, a part of me still feels like a child. Does one ever reach a point where that inner child grows up? Does one ever completely become an adult? Or will there always be that part of us that, despite the pointy shoes and pinstripe suits and briefcases that make us look so distinguished, is just playing dress up?

Somehow, childhood slipped away without my noticing. Can I still cry on my mother's shoulder after a bad day? Am I still Daddy's little princess? Can I still be that precocious little girl, spinning stories, singing songs and drawing pictures, never asking for directions, only creating?
The future looms ahead of me like a wall stretched across the horizon, and I must try to find my very own door somewhere along the wide expanse.

It is a scary thing, because I am not really that good at navigating.

I suppose I will just have to hand control over to One who knows better than I.